RRRGGG

I don't care who you are. If you  make a mistake you need to fix it. And there is NO reason to get pissed off and make someone else feel stupid before making it their responsibility to fix your stupid mistake. 

Lame!!!

So, maybe I can be touchy, and take things a wee bit too personal sometimes when its really not. But today I'm annoyed and taking this personally because damit it made me angry. 

When a friend invites you somewhere, even if its just to visit them at their place of work don't go and make other plans to AVOID going to that place. Just say "No". And REALLY! What is more important?! A friend, or getting "all natural no preservatives organic food" (when said place of work SERVES THIS!!!!) when it doesn't matter what you put in your body ANYWAY because the Bible freaking says so and if you READ and BELIEVE the Bible like said friends do then EAT WHEREEVER YOU WANT AND GO SEE YOUR FRIEND WHO WANTED TO SEE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GEEZE! LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME!! 

Once a month I get upset about being single. I noticed this pattern last month finally. Just one week out of every month I feel the weight of my status as single and really get annoyed by it. And it always seems that right in that one week, the one guy who I can't seem to get over, is always more attentive. Like today, he saw me standing alone, so he bee-lined it right to me. Thing is that he never does this. I could be standing alone waving at him and usually he walks right by. Not this week, this week he sees me and comes right to me with no encouragement from me. Only to leave my poor heart beating faster than it should yet completely unsatisfied with the thought and presence of him, yet the total confusion of whether or not he's noticed that I in fact melt at the very sight of him. Probably not. So I wonder why its so hard to get over him. If he doesn't notice me half the time, and the other half just confuses me by flirting and being great but then not following with anything. The book echos "He's just not that into you" But somehow I just don't buy it all the time. Then logic kicks in and says "duh, why has it been so long and you're still not with him?" UGH... 

Grrr...

I feel generally hostile right now. 

Freaking angry. 

Upset.

I've been clenching my jaw so long my teeth hurt. 

I wish hitting things was a good idea. 

I even wish hitting people was a good idea. 

That'd make me feel best. 

For now I'll just sleep. 

Strong Little Woman

I've had a hard time at work lately. Getting people to listen to me, do what I tell them, and trying not to give attitude back to the customers is rough. People are talking back lately, and today I was shoved around by some woman who doesn't want responsibility but can't stand that I was in charge. Physically shoved by the way, which made our times of getting customer's meals to them rather crappy, and I was confused because in her need to do my job she messed things up. When I was asked by my manager how lunch went, and how my line was, I told him if we had one less person it would have been fine, or if that extra person had been in one spot instead of jumping around trying to do everyone else's job it would have been fine. But no, it was stupid and busy and stupidly busy and I was so annoyed. 

My friend seems to think the reason so many people are giving me a hard time is because they don't expect someone like me, a short and rather small woman to have such a big personality. Nor are they able to push  me around, and the fact that I'm a woman just doesn't help either. So what am I to do? I'm about to be promoted but I can't get half my soon to be employees to actually listen to me. I guess they'll get hell for that when they won't listen to the "boss" or at least a superior. Which is annoying, and sometimes I don't feel its worth it, but then I remind myself I won't be here forever, and its just to get me through school. I can do this... I can do this... I can do this... 

Lent

I've been thinking about Lent a lot this past week. Its a tough thing to commit to. Its all about self-denial, fasting and prayer. So I was going over the things in my life that take up a lot of my day or thought process, and it came to, movies, computer time, reading, on school days I obsess over where to eat dinner, and lately I've taken to comforting myself in sweets, be it a few M&M's or a day of sweet snacking, if I'm stressed I dive for the closest thing that contains sugar. I read a note my friend Tom wrote about Lent, and it's really stuck with me. He talks about Lent being a time to bring balance back to your life, and man, have I ever been off balance lately. He also asks the question, "Will the world be a better place if you give up chocolate?" That question floored me. Because no, nothing will change in the world if I decide my sweets have to go.  No one will even be helped if I just give up my computer time or stop watching movies every night. This doesn't mean I shouldn't give up sweets, or my media time, not at all. That's a time of self denial and fasting for me. 

And I've been thinking about what I'd replace my media time with when I wind up having so much extra time in my day. I'd love to be able to say I'd spend more time with the Lord in prayer, and studying my Bible because that sounds good. But I'm not always the first one to jump into intense Bible reading. I love the Lord but that part is hard for me. I do the "popcorn" prayer thing a lot, so to devote myself to a solid time of prayer feels inconvenient to me. And wow do I hate to admit that. Which is why I've come to the conclusion that because these things feel like they'd be so hard to give up, and so hard to do that these are exactly the things I should be giving up and doing. Who knows what God will do with me once I choose to obey and follow him. So this time of Lent is looking to be a very challenging one for me, but I'm pretty excited about it. 

Pursuit

Its nice to be pursued. Its happened a couple times to me. I always managed to mess it up, but it was nice when it happened. But lately there hasn't been any pursuit, minus the annoying guy in class, but he's not even doing much besides being annoyingly present. As I asked my friends today if a guy could still be into me even if he never calls, they said he'd call, problem is that he never calls anyone not even his best friends. So that doesn't help. So then I asked how to get over him. Their advice, though good for sure, just won't work for me. "Stop seeing him. Don't talk to him, don't see him, or fall in love with someone else." Yeah,  that'd be great if my normal everyday life didn't include him. SO my option is to fall in love with someone else. There lies a problem-- big pond, few fish. I'd gladly fall in love and forget this guy(who is pretty great aside from the never calling thing) if there was anyone else to fall in love with. Granted, there is the one guy who is a possibility, but its been a few days and nothing yet. I need to learn patience. 

Not just with men. But people at work. I want to throttle some of them!!! I'm not saying this to be snooty, or mean, but I do things well and right a good 97% of the time.  So when I see people doing things wrong I can correct them, these people however just don't get it! "Oh yeah I was doing that." NO YOU WEREN'T!!!! THIS IS WHY I'M TELLING YOU HOW TO DO IT DUMMY!!!!!!  So they keep doing it WRONG and I'm losing my mind!!!!!!! I am getting promoted soon though, like hopefully within the month or next, so when that happens I can really crack down. When I'm an equal its no where near as effective as when I'm the supervisor and tell them to do something differently they actually have to do it or its not good for them :D I  can't wait for the power. 

I love sleep, and I hate it when my job gets in the way of that. Espcially when I haven't planned for it. Tomorrow I was expecting to sleep till at least 9, which sucks because I shouldn't even be working tomorrow, but 9 isn't bad. Then I get told I'm coming in at 7 instead to learn "prep" which is great, one step closer to becoming supervisor, but to go from 9 to 5:30 SUCKS!!! PLUS I have class tomorrow night until 10, I'm not a happy camper. I feel like swearing a lot.